NATURAL EDUCATION and the QUIRKY CHILD - Part Nine

Photograph by Debbie Ball


PART NINE

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And now, if you don’t mind I’d like to share another dream I had.

I was a student at a lovely place for people with high functioning autism. I was sitting outside in the sun, having a snack, very excited about going back inside soon and learning some more. The way people were taught was amazing: the classes had only about 5 pupils and the teacher would introduce a subject, talk about it, ask questions in a conversational way, give some more information, making it interesting, it was more like chatting with a very knowledgeable and wise friend. There was no pressure to know something already. There were no tricks to trip me up – no feeling of panic or a hot spotlight being put on me to “get it right”. I was relaxed and happy. When I woke up I had to make a note of that dream because I was sure that God was showing me a picture of how education should be, and how I should teach and learn alongside my children.

That phrase I just said “chatting with a very knowledgeable and wise friend” I love that thought. I would love my children to feel that spending the day with me is like being with a knowledgeable and wise friend. Our older boys, once they reached their mid-teens easily surpassed me in knowledge from their self-directed learning. But I think I still had a little more wisdom. It’s not a competition though.

It has been said that all you need to home educate is the desire to do so, and someone who believes in you and will support you.

In reality there is a bit of research to do starting with yourself, and then looking at your children: their likes and dislikes, your relationship to them … then going outward you start to look at various styles of home education. When I started to research this I remember our oldest was one year old. There was no internet, we didn't have a computer - it was a slow process finding people and resources. Most of the resources were easily available if you were in America, but it was a struggle getting things down here – especially having to get international money transfers and awkward things like that.

However, since I first started all this research 20 years ago things have exploded to the point where they have massive curriculum fairs in the states, hundreds of booths and stalls, speakers and workshops. And it can all be so enticing, sparkly and look like a really good idea.

Thinking along those lines I remember the moment when I formed this thought:

Home education would be so easy and so much fun if it wasn't for the children.

Think about the joy a parent feels researching a certain curriculum or various resources. The excitement of receiving the parcel and going through the resources. And then the disappointment as you present the goodies to the children and they seem less than interested. They may obligingly work through what you present to them, but if they're not particularly interested will they remember it? Are you spoiling the potential for them to be excited and learn about it at another time?

If it's a craft that you find interesting, or studying a famous historical person then YOU do it. Really – you do the research, read the book, draw the picture, make an index card with the main points of the person's life and achievements. Model how you are pleased with finding something out, and how to graciously cope with disappointment when something goes wrong with your project. Some children, and you must learn to read your child, will pick up and run with things by themselves. Other children might want to see you doing something first before they become interested. Or a combination of both.

Something I've learned with our children is that often children on the spectrum need EXPLICIT, SPECIFIC and REPEATED instruction and explanation – more so than other children. But the tricky bit comes when some children who APPEAR not to be getting the point actually got the point right at the beginning, and they get VERY CROSS with you for going on and on and on about it.

But we’ve seen the need for some skills to be specifically taught like: “what someone is thinking”. Some people on the spectrum might not have a clue about what someone else is thinking. A good tool for this might be an old TV programme with an acceptable story line and script – perhaps some good guys and some bad guys. Perhaps one of the characters is scheming and his kind words don't match his sneeky facial expression. If the child isn't annoyed by the interruption then you can pause the programme and discuss that briefly – it might only need to be a few words “Ah! He wants the man to think he's kind, but he's not.” Imagine what is going on in a child's mind if all this is new to him. Beware an overload as all this information starts to be processed in a child's mind. Strangely, some other people on the spectrum are PAINFULLY aware of what other people are thinking and feeling. The whole autism thing is a minefield of extremes. Tread gently. Also, just thinking of that – try to find each child’s preferred method of affirming or congratulating them. Not everyone wants streamers and party poppers for every success they get. One of our children HATES a fuss, and has very challenging behaviour sometimes when the spotlight is turned onto him.

There might be a misconception that unschooling or natural education is a total hands-off style of parenting/education. For some people it is. For the most, however, there is a period of going back and forth over various other styles before a comfortable, satisfactory and successful place is found.

Something I had never come across until a few years back – is a theory called self regulation. It’s something that I guess parents worry about when their immature youth leave home for university. Will the child remember to keep clean, do laundry, to eat properly (not beer on cornflakes for tea), will they study instead of watching TV all hours. Without the regulating influence of their parents, will these children go wild?

Some people are totally comfortable with giving a child control of how much tv they watch/sweets they eat/what and when they eat/what and when they wear/when they sleep and wake up. If this appeals to your family beware that it isn't possible for a child to reach a natural place of self-regulation if you have an undercurrent of disapproval or lay large hints in opposition to their choices.

Apparently – oh I haven’t explained about “Apparently” yet have I – bear with me, but apparently, children who are allowed to self-regulate do learn their own lessons as in 4 hours on the computer hurts your eyes, or sleeping until noon can give you a headache and make you feel like you've missed out on things. Moving from total control to self-regulation will require an “unlearning” period where a child may become extremely absorbed in something they were restricted in previously. If, during this time there is any control taken away from them it won't work. It may take some times – months perhaps for things to settle to a place where everyone is comfortable and it is working. Even then, if you were to have to explain to someone outside of the family about how it works you could feel defensive, or suddenly unhappy with it, or unqualified to explain it especially if your child is intensely interested in one certain area and seems to only be doing that one thing. This could either be viewed as unhealthy, or if you respect the child's passion it can be a wonderful opportunity for them to immerse themselves in whatever learning is going on.

So if this is something you want to try, for the health of your family or your child or children, then do a bit of research on it and get someone on board to support you.