Part Three
* * *
Our children like having “Theme Tunes” which is
something started by our eldest. The other day one of my older boys
heard a song and said “This is the driving for miles in the country
song” – apparently I had played that tape in the car rather a lot
during our “looking for a house in the country” phase. The
little boys have theme music for playing with the Playmobil – it is
a record of jolly swiss musicians singing in swiss-german, and we
have a Roger Whittaker tape that we listened to a lot at one stage
because I kept forgetting to change the tape in the van – that is
now the “going to the Richmond re-use shop” tape – who else
misses the Richmond re-use shop? This is just one way of building
memories for the children – a way to link the pictures in their
head of their childhood. If you have an old record player I would
encourage you to collect records for your children to play – there
is so much good music from the old days. Not everything old is good
mind you – stay discerning, but if the children have a lovely stack
of nice music to choose from they can make their own theme music for
different times of their lives.
Now,
If you’re wondering what natural learning looks like I
thought I’d start at the beginning, and try, in my waffley way, to
share my thoughts for you.
Before a baby becomes mobile, if you are physically able
it is best to carry them a lot, or have them propped up where they
can see the action of the household. If they’re not noise
sensitive they can sleep where everyone is playing quietly too. As
they get more mobile they can be more involved in what the family is
doing.
As an attachment parent I totally believe that a baby
will tell you when it is hungry, and you can learn to spot when they
are tired too if they can give you clear signals. This can continue
as they get older too, and within reason if someone is very hungry at
4.30 and tea doesn’t look like it will be ready till 5.30 then I’m
happy for them to have the choice of two or three things such as a
carrot, an apple or some yoghurt. “Wait until tea time” isn’t
a phrase I give the children very often, if they are hungry at 4.30
then they might be past hungry when tea arrives on the table, and too
tired to eat properly. I’ve also learned that children and adults
on the autism spectrum often need to drink more water than
neurotypical people. A lot of their behavioural challenges can be
through being thirsty.
Ideally children should spend the most part of the day
working alongside you. If you are making breakfast, then everyone
can make breakfast. If you're washing up after breakfast then
everyone can do that too. Right through the day children should be
able to come and go as they are able, working alongside you. This
sounds beautiful and perfect and it doesn’t happen like this in our
house sadly, but I encourage you – whatever age your child is to
have a go at this.
When our older boys were little I
didn't train them to work and do chores – I was struggling enough
getting through the days as it was without any extra stress. My
little boys were certainly quirky, but I didn’t know anything about
Aspergers at that time. If I had known, it would have been a little
easier, perhaps a little less confusing, but the challenges would
still have been the same. For many years I felt guilty when I
heard about other mums training their little ones to sweep and dust
and wash dishes. I was
always mindful about teaching them good character qualities –
truthfulness, kindness, gentleness and things like that, and we did
play a lot – puzzles, construction, heaps of reading, going for
walks, collecting nature finds - but I felt like I had short-changed
the boys, and been a very bad mummy with regard life skills.
Now I realise that I may have laboured over that
training to no avail, and ruined our relationship. Early training
works for some mothers and some children, but don't feel bad if you
haven't done this. There is so much that is more important in those
early years. If you have children with other challenges and they are
balking at certain chores, then give yourself a break and try again
in a few months, or a year. As long as you can keep a good attitude
about doing the work yourself, and as long as you don’t have so
many children that you are running yourself into the ground doing
everything yourself then don’t listen to the nagging voice in your
head that tells you you’re enabling them to be lazy and
unthoughtful, and they’ll grow up to be useless and self-centred.
If your child really does have challenges in these areas then pick
and choose what is most important RIGHT NOW. It might be personal
hygiene or managing to eat foods of different textures, or putting
their energy into reading. Your child, your decisions.
**
No comments:
Post a Comment