Where You Have Been, and Who You Are Now

Our lives are full of decisions – sometimes we make good decisions – other times not so good. Every decision you’ve made and experience you’ve been through in your life – pre-children, and post-children - will shape who you are now. You may have made mistakes, bad judgment calls, relationships that went wrong – either with friends, people you worked with, or more intimate relationships You may have become addicted to something – some real self-destructive habits - smoking, drinking, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, constant desire to gain more material things, seeking monetary wealth … these things are not unusual – but HOW you deal with them now that you’re a parent is crucial to how your child grows up.

If you bring all that baggage over into your child-raising, if you are bitter, argumentative, seeking revenge, moaning, complaining because of something in your past - that will surely affect your children in a very negative way.

You must be honest, or get a friend to be totally honest, about your negative character traits (ask them to be gentle), and go about replacing those negative traits with positive ones. Ask yourself “Are these traits and habits going to be beneficial for my child in their life?”

Our words and actions must be worthy of imitation because our children will surely imitate us! If we think we can keep our thoughts to ourselves – be warned! Often a child will ask their parent “Why were you cross with that man?” - and you thought you’d kept it to yourself quite well! When a parent is obviously angry with someone, bitter, unforgiving or vengeful, or if they are continually re-visiting past hurts this will colour their words and their actions daily - children will be deeply and negatively affected by living with a person like this.

How can we clean up our words and our thoughts when our past is full of hurts?

Prayer. Earnest and honest prayer. Then listening for, and acting on the answer – your tailor-made plan from the Creator of all Heaven and Earth.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14 King James Version)

Or

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14 New Living Translation)

Take the lessons you learned from your past, and apply them in a positive situation to make you a much better parent, more caring, more understanding, more protective and guiding than you might have been. As I said at the start of this book – if you’ve been on a journey and you see others just starting out on the same path please turn around and give a hand up to those who are willing to accept it.

Whatever we practice, we get good at. Practice positive words and actions. Start right away! Stop your child right now and tell them you love them or congratulate them on something they are doing well.

Before I finish this bit I’d like to give you a look at “The Fruits of the Spirit” (to be found in Galatians 5: 22 and 23). These are what we strive to achieve in our lives – look also at the opposite and how they can poison and embitter a person.

Love vs. hate, indifference, callusness

Joy vs. grumpyness, heavyness

Peace vs. turmoil, chaos, impatience

Longsuffering vs. quick to blame, punish or pay back

Gentleness vs. harshness, unforgiveness

Goodness vs. badness, selfishness

Faith vs. hopelessness, reliance on self

Meekness vs. pride, loud bearing, “look at me” attitude

Temperance vs. lack of restraint, poor self-control