DOES “NO” ALWAYS MEAN “NO”?

A child who has been taught that “no” means “no” can find peace and contentment in the situation where they happen to be right at that time (mostly!).

Teach your child early to gracefully and cheerfully accept the “no” that you give. This will enable the child, as they grow, to understand that God does not always answer our prayers with a yes – but all things are for our good.

I would urge you, however, whenever you are able, to listen carefully to your child's request and give an answer according to the situation. “May I have another plum please?” Mummy has to quickly think “How many has he had? How many are left? Who hasn't had some yet? Is morning tea really over or did I rush them through morning tea? Did they have enough to eat for morning tea? Is he actually thirsty instead? Is it nearly lunchtime?” Mum's word does not need explaining, but according to the maturity of the child and the situation she may say “No. Not right now.” or “No. But I'd like you to have a drink of water – small or large?” or “No. You may not.” or “No – let's put some plums aside to eat at lunchtime.” Each answer to be given gently, firmly with a smile and a gentle tone of voice.

If your child asks for something (or demands it) and you say no, then some time later, after more pushing from your child if you abjectly whine “Well, alright then ...” you are training your child that no often means yes, but only after you've worn me down some more. This is not fair on your child – you are actually telling your child lies, teaching them to tell lies and wrecking your relationship in which the child wants safe, secure boundaries provided by a loving stable parent.