Funny how you can be talking to someone and it suddenly dawns - "this person isn't on the same page as me."
They're not even in the same book.
Or the same library.
Same town.
Same planet ...
Well, anyway, my recent discussions with the MOE lady proved this (and I promise I will stop ranting about it soon, when its out of my system).
She wasn't on the "Natural Learning" page. Because I don't think the MOE have one. Apparently they do. But maybe she hadn't read the book with that page in.
SO - getting to the point ...
Some time back our then 5 year old was working alongside a friend who had come to help us.
They were putting out spoons for lunch and Mr 5 was counting them:
"One, two, three ... we need three more to make six."
This was not an unusual thing for him to say, so I took no notice as I was doing my thing with the lunch.
But our friend (ex-teacher, ex-homeschooling mother) looked at me and said:
"I think he's ready to start learning!"
For a second I was puzzled.
Then I realised that she probably meant "He has exhibited signs of intelligence and now we must buy him some workbooks and sit him down for a period every day and get him to work through the books and advance in an orderly fashion."
So I said:
"Hm," raised my eyebrows in appreciation and smiled. Our friend is very servant-hearted and I'm not being nasty toward her.
Just made me realise, once again, that not everybody can see how this works.
I just shared this with a friend the other day when she asked about unschooling:
"
Everything you are doing with your little ones just continues on,
forever and ever. They keep learning things they're interested in and
because they don't have "learn now" times and "don't bother me with
anything LEARNING or SCHOOLY now" times then they learn ALL THE TIME.
It's is precious and breathtaking sometimes. Our 6 year old was bouncing
on the trampoline one evening and he said to Daddy "What's the real
name for a bluebird?" Daddy was puzzled, but I knew what he meant. I
said "Do you mean the Latin name?" "Yes' said bouncing 6 year old. So I
looked it up and told him.
Truly Truly Truly, everything you are
doing, and not doing, with your children when they are younger can
continue as they get older ... there is no "magic age" where "learning"
starts, and there is no "magic age" where you need to STOP all the good
fun things and start 'boring' school things."
Then I was sharing with another friend yesterday about this concept, and she said
"I wonder if people are worried that if they just continue on as they are doing, and don't start any formal "learning" type programme, they will end up with 18 years olds who are still doing what 3 year olds do?"
I wonder?
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
About Natural Education and Jigsaw Puzzles in the Brain
Regular readers will be aware that the Ministry of Education and I had dealings a few weeks back.
During those dealings the lady from the Min asked me:
This is some of what I said to her:
During those dealings the lady from the Min asked me:
I have looked back at the applications on file for your older
children and I can see that you have made some changes in your approach to home
schooling over the years to the point where you have adopted the planned
approach for Joseph. I am very interested in how home educators make these
decisions and changes over time and I would like to hear more about this. I
know that many home educators do change their approach over the years from the
time of applications and it would be useful for my learning to hear more about
this aspect.
She also asked, at one point, how we would know if Joseph will be learning as he should be.
This is some of what I said to her:
How we will know he is progressing as he should be across the learning
areas:
I really have trouble with the “as he should be” part of this because in my
experience of many different learning/teaching styles, and many different
children I am confident that putting an expectation on a child of what
should be achieved at a certain stage is unhealthy.
I am sure you agree that nobody puts constraints on a baby as to when they
crawl, stand, speak etc – however I also understand that if a baby was not
walking by 2 years old, then something may be a amiss.
When I look at our older children I am given more and more confidence that
despite the age at which they learned to read, multiply, speak a foreign
language, research, debate, memorise etc – then the learning happened over their
younger years – and most importantly that the learning happened WHEN THEY WERE
READY TO RECEIVE the learning, and therefore it is remembered.
It’s safe to say that I don’t notice every success and sign of progress
that my children make as they can be naturally very gradual and smooth. The
progress does not need to be noticed/noted for it to continue – the children
move ahead very naturally in their own ways, enjoying the feeling of getting
better at something or gaining some new skill.
Of course, big milestones like riding a bike by himself, or learning all
the words to a poem and reciting it, or completing a whole colouring picture by
himself, or following along with a story and knowing where all “his” words are
and reading them out loud, bringing me the results of his workshop project –
these things ARE noticed by me, and I celebrate them appropriately with him
according to his mood (whether he needs a smile, a tickle, a high-five, a whoop
or great bursts of clapping).
You mentioned you were interested in why families might change their
learning style over the years. Here are my thoughts.
Above I mentioned the fact that a child will remember things if they are
learned during a time a child was interested in a subject – this is the crux of
natural learning, and I believe it is why many families go from a more
structured learning style (wherein the parent feels more “in control” of the
learning, feeling more that they can achieve a successful result because
everything is laid out in a specific order to ensure the main points are
covered) to a more natural (unschooling/delight directed learning) style.
Natural learning can, on the face of it, seem rather messy, chaotic or
perplexing from those looking from the outside, but the depth of learning and
the excitement and enjoyment the children have results in much learning being
absorbed and subsequently turned over and over in their minds later.
As an
example the other day before I could get out of bed I had four little boys in
with me. The baby was playing quietly, Joseph was on and off the bed playing
with cars, our 8 and 10 year olds were cozy under the blankets. Our 8 year old
asked me about Winston Churchill and the bad guy that he couldn’t remember the
name of. Then they both listened very intently as I told them about Hitler, and
the state that Germany was in after WWI, and Jewish people, concentration camps,
gypsies, gas chambers, Corrie Ten Boom, Churchill etc etc. If I had an
expectation that everything I said would be remembered, then I would perhaps
become exasperated that some of it was forgotten. However, I see life learning
as a large number of “jigsaw puzzles” in a child’s mind. Every time the
children hear some new information they might taken in a bit of it – or all of
it depending on their interest and their ability to take it in and relate it to
other information they know – they gain a piece (or pieces) of one or some of
the puzzles. Next time the subject comes around they may already have many
pieces of that puzzle and they will gain some more and start to see the picture
more clearly.
An example of that was when I was speaking about Churchill I mentioned the
BBC Documentary “Wartime Farm” that the children enjoyed, and I said about
Churchill keeping the hope of English people live, that they needed to believe
they could win the war. The children remembered the bits in that documentary
where the folks did without things and endured hardship.
Therefore, if I could see into their minds, and I could view their “jigsaw
puzzles” I might see that the “WW2” puzzle had more pieces in it since our talk
about concentration camps, and their “Winston Churchill” puzzle had more pieces
in relation to making noteworthy speeches, and their “Hitler and commanding
officers” puzzle had a few more pieces in relation to cyanide pills.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Mid Autumn
There are so many seasons. Not just summer and winter. Not even just summer, autumn, winter and spring. There's early summer, mid summer, late summer, early autumn, mid autumn, late autumn ... you get the drift.
And right now, we're in mid autumn on this half of the globe.
It's a beautiful BEAUTIFUL time of the year. We're enjoying it to the fullest.
And right now, we're in mid autumn on this half of the globe.
It's a beautiful BEAUTIFUL time of the year. We're enjoying it to the fullest.
A Rare Gem
In today's world full of OSH, great whopping handrails, soft-fall landscaping, playgrounds being pulled apart and thrown away because the owners can't keep up with the regs etc etc etc rant rant rant ...
... well, we had an amazing time at a local privately-owned garden that is open to the public.
It's somewhere we've driven past a million times, on the way to appointments, jobs that needed to be done before everyone got over-tired, visits or the like - but today, we stopped and played.
Far, far better than any playground - we will be returning for sure.
... well, we had an amazing time at a local privately-owned garden that is open to the public.
It's somewhere we've driven past a million times, on the way to appointments, jobs that needed to be done before everyone got over-tired, visits or the like - but today, we stopped and played.
Far, far better than any playground - we will be returning for sure.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Keeping a Stash of Potentially Useful things
The other day I bought some 2nd hand, wide, rainbow elastic. I don't have a project for it yet, but the children have already played quite a few games with it. I'll put it into our storeroom soon, and one day we'll need it I'm sure.
Years ago someone gave me a roll of thick clear plastic. I didn't know what I would use it for immediately, but some time later I had a Great Idea. My Great Idea was very successful and everyone enjoyed it for a while.
Last week I was tidying our library (two of the adjustable shelves had fallen over from the weight of the books, so it was time for a tidy up and a clean out) and I found an very old school atlas that I'd bought very cheaply from a sale somewhere, for some reason. (I know it was very old because I used the same edition when I was in school).
So, with the old atlas in my hand, and the roll of thick clear plastic I embarked on The New Great Idea.
The ingredients you will need for The New Great Idea are:
- one clean table
- one old atlas, or any interesting book, posters, maps etc The first time I did this idea I use an old Bible.
- a roll of thick clear plastic, or a thick clear plastic tablecloth
And there you are. Easy as that. Our 6 year old was helping me with the sticky tape and the scissors. As soon as I had finished he said "Now, where do we live on this map?"
I was so pleased! I hadn't been talking to him about it as I was doing it - he knew they were maps, he knew which ones were New Zealand, and he wanted to know where we lived!
This afternoon as was tidying in the kitchen, the children started a game of calling out places in the world and seeing if the other could find them.
Our 10 year old ran to get the magnifying glass, and world map off the lounge wall, and said "I LOVE geography".
I hadn't said a word! I just set it up, and off they went. Yay for natural education!!
And yay for keeping a stash of potentially useful things!!!
Years ago someone gave me a roll of thick clear plastic. I didn't know what I would use it for immediately, but some time later I had a Great Idea. My Great Idea was very successful and everyone enjoyed it for a while.
Last week I was tidying our library (two of the adjustable shelves had fallen over from the weight of the books, so it was time for a tidy up and a clean out) and I found an very old school atlas that I'd bought very cheaply from a sale somewhere, for some reason. (I know it was very old because I used the same edition when I was in school).
So, with the old atlas in my hand, and the roll of thick clear plastic I embarked on The New Great Idea.
The ingredients you will need for The New Great Idea are:
- one clean table
- one old atlas, or any interesting book, posters, maps etc The first time I did this idea I use an old Bible.
- a roll of thick clear plastic, or a thick clear plastic tablecloth
And there you are. Easy as that. Our 6 year old was helping me with the sticky tape and the scissors. As soon as I had finished he said "Now, where do we live on this map?"
I was so pleased! I hadn't been talking to him about it as I was doing it - he knew they were maps, he knew which ones were New Zealand, and he wanted to know where we lived!
This afternoon as was tidying in the kitchen, the children started a game of calling out places in the world and seeing if the other could find them.
Our 10 year old ran to get the magnifying glass, and world map off the lounge wall, and said "I LOVE geography".
I hadn't said a word! I just set it up, and off they went. Yay for natural education!!
And yay for keeping a stash of potentially useful things!!!
Application for Exemption from a Registered School
Due to rather a lot of interest in our recent escapades with the Ministry of Education, I thought I'd post a copy of our exemption application.
I was in two minds when I did this - I really didn't want to give TOO MUCH information out of the concern that the MOE will start to expect it from everyone if too many people do this.
But on the other hand, this was the first application I had done like this. The previous five have been a bit different. But not much.
As it turned out - I had not given TOO MUCH information. The MOE had more questions for me (see my last blog post).
Anyhoo - here it be. And if anyone wants to use it as a model for their own application please feel free if you can do so honestly knowing that you are going to use the same approach as us.
*****
What and how we intend to teach – our
philosophy/approach.
We use what we have come to call a
Natural Learning approach. It is child-led/delight directed learning
taking elements from the following sources:
- Charlotte Mason education
- Montessori
- Pikler
- Waldorf/Steiner
- Thomas Jefferson Education
- Democratic schools
- Free/liberal schools
- Enki Education
- Reggio Emilia
- NZ Government curriculum
- Christian Schools
Researching each of the above areas, we
have developed and use our own “spiral curriculum” – so called
as it is planned monthly, and we revisit the whole curriculum each
year, recapping what we have learned previously and then going deeper
and deeper into various topics as the children show interest.
Each month in our Spiral Curriculum has
seasonal activities and discussions on many and various topics. As
soon as Joseph’s interest in sparked in an area we delve further
into that area. If he doesn’t seem ready for the information, or
not interested we know that going further into the subject may spoil
his enjoyment for that subject later, so we either wait until that
topic comes up again the next year – or talk about it if Joseph
brings the subject up himself (he may have been spending time
considering what we have been talking about) – or more usually we
would talk about that particular topic again if it comes up again
naturally. An example of which: some time ago when we had been
discussing letterboxes – construction, use etc. The children
became extremely interested in letterboxes when we started actually
spotting quirky or handcrafted letterboxes locally – some time
after the original discussion took place. One of the younger children
was going through a “posting things” stage, and so the others
made a “letterbox” for that younger child, and made “letters”
for the child to post, and then collect in a bag and deliver to
family members.
Using this system of learning Joseph
will naturally go deeper into subjects each time they come up, and
remember what he has learned from the previous discussions/projects.
When we use our Spiral Curriculum it
takes place during the time of day we call “Cozy Time” where
there are songs (including action songs), discussions, fingerplays,
art lessons, short reading sessions (for example reading a portion of
a health/manners/geography type book – often Rod & Staff
Publishers), language lessons, games etc – whatever suits the age
and interests of the children. Joseph has been raised in this
environment and it is natural to him. We have a large number of
games and activities that we have developed into a booklet and we
take ideas from that.
Joseph participates as he is
interested, but is always around, absorbing what the others are
doing.
Much of our learning is oral, but often
spills over into games the children invent. As an example, whilst
watching a favourite BBC documentary series “Wartime Farm” the
children made a wartime shop where MANY experiences were discussed
and agreements/disagreements were involved.
The most effective and appropriate time
for Joseph to learn is when he’s interested, and he is encouraged
and respected when he has questions, which he often has i.e., during
a rain storm he may ask about rain, clouds etc. We will either just
discuss things, or look in books.
This is a sample from our Spiral
Curriculum, which, as mentioned, is based on what we consider to be
the “best” of many educational styles.
MARCH
Early
Autumn
Character
Quality: Boldness vs Fearfulness
Fun
Studies:
- drying flowers
- deciduous trees
- how to sincerely congratulate someone
- seas and oceans
- harvesting and saving/storage of food
- light and heavy
- sea life
- migration
- stacking blocks to make an arch
- architecture
- gorse/flax
- plastics
- re-writing a newspaper article
- send cards to people we know
- reciting – focus on not fidgeting
(these
studies may be oral, books, videos, hands-on activities, but always
done in a very natural way, not forced and Joseph is free to come and
go as his interest leads).
Games:
name items, child repeats then goes and touches them (i.e., chair,
cushion, door)
Draw
five dots then join them to be head, hands, feet
Memory
– items on a tray, take one away
Sort
buttons
Play
with precious things in the box
Make
tents
Beanbag
toss
Write
story – write a piece, fold paper and pass it on to another to
continue– two characters/this day they were/but suddenly/it was
just as well that/the end.
This list of subjects and games is a
springboard for me to use for the month. We are never restricted by
this list though, and will often delve into another subject (perhaps
from something we have seen/heard, learned in a book etc) when
interest comes up.
If, one year, we don’t get round to
studying a particular topic, then it will be covered the next year.
Any of the above subjects may be
“studied” by talking about them, or in a hands-on way –
writing, drawing, making something, playing with things etc which
really cements the learning in Joseph’s mind. I keep in mind the
topics for the month, and “strew the path” (to quote Sandra
Dodd) with resources (library books, our own books, science
equipment, art and craft supplies etc) and activities (trips out,
games, building projects etc) pertinent to those topics.
For example: Flower drying – I will
keep in mind that this topic will be looked at in March. When we are
having a walk around the paddock I might pick a few flowers and
briefly discuss them with Joseph – the name of the plant –
whether it is a weed (a plant growing in the wrong place) or
something we have planted; we’ll discuss the colour, the pattern of
the petals, maybe we’ll take a flower apart. When we get home
we’ll put various flowers carefully between two pieces of cartridge
paper, with paper towels to protect the pages, in a heavy book.
We’ll write on the calendar when we can open the pages to look at
them again, discussing time, weeks, days at the same time.
Another learning tool we enjoy is a
“Current Subjects” poster which I change every few weeks –
it is kept on our fridge, so we see it every time we sit at the
kitchen table. It is a strong visual resource spotlighting an
artist and their style of art; a person from history; a
hymn; a poem; a piece of scripture; an animal.
We discuss these posters as a family and Joseph is very much part
of the discussion, and absorbs much of the information.
The current poster we have features
- Artist: Albrecht Durer. This has already invoked discussions on Germany, the sound of a “u” when the amlaut is over it (like the oo sound in “food”), in the quote from the artist we have the word “youngsters” – would Albrecht Durer really have used that word in the mid 1500’s? and many more things)
- Historic Person: King Charles the II. We have discussed the fashion at the time of this King, where this King was in time compared to Cromwell, was this around the time of the classic literature “Children Of The New Forest” (which we have read, and will re-read next winter), we discussed the King’s nickname – The Merry Monarch, and other things.
- Our hymn is “Will your Anchor Hold” which we sing every so often, allowing the words to be memorized naturally.
- Poem: We have chosen a very long poem - a favourite of our older boys – “Saddle To Rags” written in the 1700’s presumably, discussing a highwayman intent on robbing an old man, but the tables are turned. I read this through often and Joseph absorbs it naturally as he loves the rhythm, the rhymes and the mental imagery. He often asks me to recite it at other times, and so I retell as much as I can remember – he often prompts me in the places I have forgotten.
- Our piece of scripture is Proverbs 12:15. We use the King James Version for memorisation as the language is rich and there are many benefits for Joseph growing up hearing this language being used.
- The animal we are currently studying is the “Streaked Tenric” - a favourite due to his cool hairstyle, and colour. From discussing the Tenric we learn about Madagascar, we try to pronounce the Latin name (Hemicentetes semispinosus) and we talk about habitat and other interesting points.
(In relation to Latin we often learn
the Latin and Greek roots of words, and I have made a card game where
we learn fun Latin names of animals (i.e., Gorilla = Gorilla
Gorilla) – Joseph absorbs and remembers these extremely
easily.)
Literacy is covered in the many hours
we spend reading together. Our reading aloud sessions as a family
cover such classics as Henty, Ballantyne, Laura Ingalls Wilder etc,
and then we have one-on-one reading sessions too with just Daddy and
Joseph, or Mummy and Joseph, or his big sister and Joseph.
Joseph takes over reading more and more
as his enjoyment and confidence increases. His favourite books
currently are Dr Seuss, and entwined in the reading are many
discussions including those on grammar, punctuation, fantasy,
artistic style etc. Joseph learns and retains all this information
very naturally in our style of education.
Health and Physical Education – we
have many discussions about healthy lifestyle choices – Joseph is
very aware of making healthy decisions in relation to food, drink and
enjoyable, healthy, respectful pastimes. These things are learned
from many discussions, from topics coming up naturally, or from a
story that I might invent about a child who did not make good
decisions – which is always enjoyed! We live on over 2 acres and
Joseph runs, trampolines, climbs trees and generally has a lovely
life.
Maths – we have always used
Math-U-See, and the concepts learned in the early years are covered
very naturally in everyday life currently. When Joseph is ready he
will start Math-U-See bookwork. In the meantime he is learning to
add, multiply, divide, subtract, looking at telling the time, making
charts, graphing, learning shapes and colours – all through natural
life.
Languages – Joseph could count to 20
in German from an early age simply because we were learning German,
and would sing songs and he absorbed what was interesting to him. He
is extremely verbal and has a large vocabulary. This is built on
naturally from many discussions where Joseph is respected and
listened to.
When Joseph produces some paperwork we
keep this in his schoolwork box, which will eventually be turned into
a notebook style of record (a ring binder). I am constantly
monitoring his progress in our discussions, and looking at his
readiness for various tasks and learning skills.
Joseph’s sister is very keen on
photography, and we have thousands of photographic records of our
activities.
Some Of The Resources I Intend To
Use/Am Using
As previously mentioned we use
Math-U-See
The Internet – supervised use to look
up things of interest and watch programmes
The local libraries – borrowing books
Parks – walks, games, meeting friends
Beaches – walks, games
Over 1,000 books in our personal
library – fiction and non-fiction
Daddy’s workshop tools – supervised
use of tools and being around/learning the names and function of
various machines
Mummy’s art and craft supplies –
free use of various art supplies, making things alone or designing
them and having Mummy make them
Cameras – taking photos and videos
and enjoying them again later
Toys – construction toys like Duplo,
Lego, Magna Tiles, wooden blocks, train sets, dress-up clothes,
Playmobil, small cars, puzzles, logic games etc
Sewing machine and relevant equipment
(the children use a hand-cranked Singer machine)
Musical instruments – guitars, piano,
ukulele, tin whistles, chromaharp
Moutere Hills Community Centre – we
have been involved in an art group, the recent book stall, and hope
to become more involved this year in various events and happenings at
the Centre.
Educational Goals
We would like to see Joseph continue to
love learning as much as he does. To be able to read fluently,
choose high-quality literature along with more easily read books, to
be able to speak and write effectively, communicating his thoughts
and beliefs easily and well. If we can keep him blossoming and
growing, allow his personality to develop, his character traits to
strengthen, provide and equip him with things to allow intelligent
growth, give him time and space to think, philosophise and theorise
then we shall be happy. When Joseph does not know the answer to
something, we are confident that he will know WHERE to go, to find
the answer.
Our Vision
We would like for Joseph will be
literate, competent with basic maths/English skills (or advanced
skills if his nature is so inclined) be thoughtful, kind, considerate
of others, have a wide general knowledge, a high degree of competent
independent life skills, be responsible towards his
family/community/country/world, be respectful, have covered so much
educational material during his early years that he can be sure of
his likes and dislikes which will lead him into a profession of his
choosing where he can find contentment.
Special Project or Topic Plan
Please see the information above in
relation to our “Current Subjects” poster. The plan for learning
is that I will compile information on topics that I know Joseph and
the other children will be interested in. I am completely confident
that whatever I expect the educational outcome to be the children
will far exceed this with our discussions and subsequent rabbit
trails and interests sparked from one point. As previously
described, I will use resources including the internet, our own
books, our art/craft supplies, technological tools we have (Daddy’s
workshop, Mummy’s sewing machine, digital SLR camera, computers,
printer, tablets) or anything else that fits the need.
Our educational and learning moments
are from wake up to sleep time. There is not a time when Joseph is
switched off. We have lived this lifestyle for so long, and Joseph
has been born into this, and so it is completely natural to him.
TOPIC PLAN
It is not unusual for us at any time,
on any day, to play a game involving the world map. Joseph will be
given a pointer to use (a stick) and be asked to point out New
Zealand. Then we will ask him to show us Australia, then New
Zealand. Next I will point out Japan, and subsequently ask him to
show me Australia, Japan and New Zealand … gradually new countries
are added in as he becomes confident and familiar. It is our
expectation that Joseph will eventually have a thorough knowledge of
the world’s geography, peoples, history, and learn many
geographical terms (ocean, lake, pond, isle, island, reef, headland,
cove, river etc etc.) Learning in this way is easy and fun and
Joseph asks for more and more! Next time we are discussing say,
marsupials, and mention Australia, Joseph will remember where
Australia was on the world map. And next time we are drawing maps
of imaginary places, Joseph will remember the difference between a
peninsula and a bay.
Natural Learning is joyful and
exciting, enabling Joseph to put “puzzle pieces” together
naturally, at his own pace – making discoveries, “joining the
dots” and making learning “his own”. Whether it be
technology, geography, social studies, the natural world, art,
physics, logic, languages – whatever the “subject”, natural
learning is truly as natural as breathing for Joseph.
We have a weekly schedule (copy
attached) that shows mealtimes, playtimes, jobs, quiet times –
EVERY single one of these activities is an educational time and a
learning time when it includes discussions, sharing, exploring
things, and Joseph feels very free to ask questions and provide his
thoughts.
Joseph’s Dad is a joiner with many
years experience who loves his family and spends all his spare time
with the family – working on the house or the property, or on
various things the children want built, or helping them learn how to
use his fully equipped workshop. We are blessed to have a Daddy like
this. Daddy is gifted in science, electronics, logic, mathematics,
technology and physics areas.
Joseph’s Mum is an experienced home
educator with a passion for Natural Education. She is an artist and
craftsperson, writer and researcher. She is completely committed to
her family. Her areas of interest are the arts, communications and
encouraging others.
Joseph’s siblings are his team where
he feels secure and loved, and learns many lessons including sharing,
communication, working together, teaching them and learning from
them.
Joseph will enjoy his first term at
gymnastics when the classes start up soon at the local Community
Centre – we are waiting for the schedule to be organised so we can
register for this. The family have attended the same church for the
last 10 years, and Joseph is well-known by everyone when he attends.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
CONTROL CENTRE
Here's something a psychologist shared with us a year or so back, and it had an AMAZING effect on the child it was directed towards.
One of our children was having trouble with emotional outbursts. Along with Asperger's Syndrome he has "Emotional Dysregulation" which means he goes from regular to angry with no stops between. He also goes very swiftly from regular to depressed/tears/upset/the world is too big/everyone is going to die ...
When the psychologist played a game with him, showing him pictures (a butterfly, an aeroplane, a mummy hugging a child, a car, a building etc), and asked him how he felt about each one, the answer was either happy or angry - despite the fact that this child is fully involved a family where the FULL RANGE of emotions are modelled and accepted. And the answers were surprising - the butterfly made him angry. I guess it was because he didn't really like butterflies that much, but he didn't have the ability to feel "neutral".
Anyhoo - the psychologist came up with this illustration, and I'd like to share it here in case someone else can benefit from this information.
I would suggest that if you have a child who struggles with "inbetween emotions" (like frustrated, disappointed, cross, dislike), or BIG emotional outbursts, then pick a quiet moment, uninterrupted when everything is calm, then talk to them about this.
Excuse the poor quality of photos, I took them quickly to illustrate the concept! Our psychologist drew a rough picture of a head, and drew a little dot in the head which she enlarged as the story went on.
When a baby is born there is a little spot of their brain called the "Control Centre". It's just a tiny spot, very little. The baby doesn't have much control because their Control Centre is just so small. Babies can't walk or talk, or hold things until their Control Centre gets larger.
And it does get larger! With practice and age, a baby's Control Centre will grow and grow, so that by the time they are toddlers the Control Centre has got bigger and they can walk, and hold things, and chew food, and let you know when they want things in a way that doesn't involve screaming.
By the time they're 6 their Control Centre has got bigger and they don't have to cry all the time for something, or scream if something goes wrong, or screw up a paper and throw it away if the picture they are drawing is wrong.
And so on.
Each time the child has an experience and learns something the Control Centre gets bigger.
Each time a child makes a Good Decision about their behaviour their Control Centre gets bigger.
So in the end, when a person is an adult, their Control Centre CAN be really big, and they can control their emotions and behaviour MUCH BETTER than they could when they were a baby!
**********
Sad to say, some people DON'T learn from their experiences and they DON'T put thought into their behaviour and they never consider the effect they have on other people, and even when they're an adult, they have a tiny, small Control Centre.
One of our children was having trouble with emotional outbursts. Along with Asperger's Syndrome he has "Emotional Dysregulation" which means he goes from regular to angry with no stops between. He also goes very swiftly from regular to depressed/tears/upset/the world is too big/everyone is going to die ...
When the psychologist played a game with him, showing him pictures (a butterfly, an aeroplane, a mummy hugging a child, a car, a building etc), and asked him how he felt about each one, the answer was either happy or angry - despite the fact that this child is fully involved a family where the FULL RANGE of emotions are modelled and accepted. And the answers were surprising - the butterfly made him angry. I guess it was because he didn't really like butterflies that much, but he didn't have the ability to feel "neutral".
Anyhoo - the psychologist came up with this illustration, and I'd like to share it here in case someone else can benefit from this information.
I would suggest that if you have a child who struggles with "inbetween emotions" (like frustrated, disappointed, cross, dislike), or BIG emotional outbursts, then pick a quiet moment, uninterrupted when everything is calm, then talk to them about this.
Excuse the poor quality of photos, I took them quickly to illustrate the concept! Our psychologist drew a rough picture of a head, and drew a little dot in the head which she enlarged as the story went on.
When a baby is born there is a little spot of their brain called the "Control Centre". It's just a tiny spot, very little. The baby doesn't have much control because their Control Centre is just so small. Babies can't walk or talk, or hold things until their Control Centre gets larger.
And it does get larger! With practice and age, a baby's Control Centre will grow and grow, so that by the time they are toddlers the Control Centre has got bigger and they can walk, and hold things, and chew food, and let you know when they want things in a way that doesn't involve screaming.
By the time they're 6 their Control Centre has got bigger and they don't have to cry all the time for something, or scream if something goes wrong, or screw up a paper and throw it away if the picture they are drawing is wrong.
And so on.
Each time the child has an experience and learns something the Control Centre gets bigger.
Each time a child makes a Good Decision about their behaviour their Control Centre gets bigger.
So in the end, when a person is an adult, their Control Centre CAN be really big, and they can control their emotions and behaviour MUCH BETTER than they could when they were a baby!
**********
Sad to say, some people DON'T learn from their experiences and they DON'T put thought into their behaviour and they never consider the effect they have on other people, and even when they're an adult, they have a tiny, small Control Centre.
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